Feeling Anxious

I was busy all day today, touring a contract manufacturing site (in high heels – WTF was I thinking?), taking in a lot of information and asking lots of questions, but somehow I still found time to feel anxious and a bit panicky about yesterday’s decision to renounce calorie counting.  I feel like tracking my food (or worrying about not tracking it because I’m straying from my plan) has been at the center of my world for so long…what will happen if I just stop doing it?  In theory, it sounds great to say I’m going to listen to my body and eat for nourishment instead of entertainment.  In reality, it’s very scary indeed. I toyed with intuitive eating last October, and gained back 10 pounds…which led me directly to Weight Watchers and back to the obsessive counting.  Forty pounds later I look and feel much better, but inside I’m still confused and struggling.  Why can’t I look at a menu and not feel deprived just considering having a salad for dinner?  I feel like every meal is a hurdle, an obstacle, a choice that I’m destined to make badly.

Obviously I’m not the only person who struggles with these issues – there are hundreds of thousands, probably millions, of women who have the same problem.  Some of them are trying to lose the last 10 pounds, some of them have 200 pounds to lose.  But for every one of them, there is another woman out there that doesn’t struggle to make good choices, who doesn’t look at a menu and think ‘my life will end right now if I don’t order the gnocchi in vodka sauce’.  WHAT IS THEIR SECRET??????

I’m so sick and tired of thinking about my weight and hating how I look in the mirror.  It’s exhausting and unproductive.  And yet the voice keeps chattering in the back of my head…you eat too much, you’ll never get to your goal weight, you’re fat, you suck at your job…on and on and on.

Twenty-four hours after saying I’m done counting calories and I’m a quivering mess.  It would seem that the food tracking was more of a security blanket than I thought?

Has anyone out there successfully transitioned from tracking food to eating completely according to what their body needs?  Was it a difficult transition?  I would love to hear your experiences!

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2 Responses to Feeling Anxious

  1. Mary says:

    I keep trying this too – not at a point to give up calorie counting entirely, but I try sometimes to eat intuitively. It works best when conditions are ideal (not negatively stressed out or anxious) or when I am busy with positive stress – I do surprisingly well maintaining on vacations because I’m too busy enjoying it to get consumed with my eating. I think it’s definitely a skill that takes a little time to develop.

  2. Kayla says:

    I read this blog post last night and fell asleep thinking about all the different things I’ve tried. Weight watchers totally changed my life.

    After becoming a life time WW member (around 2000), I became totally bored with tracking. So I made a list of my top 20 favorite tricks, aside from tracking, to maintain. I carried them around in my pocket, read them thru out the day, memorized them,etc…. It worked for a while.

    Then I did “South Beach” for about 6 months – just to mix it up, try new recipes, be on some sort of plan.

    Then I went sugar free (well – sweet treats free) from September to January- except for holiday, birthdays, and anniversaries. (I still try to do this from November to January – it makes all the holiday junk so much easier to avoid to I don’t start.)

    Then I followed the Skinny Bitch plan- my husband had no interest in going vegan. It was a good challenge, and I had fun with it.

    After that, my family was all over Eat Right For Your Blood Type. So, I jumped on that band wagon – and I loved it. It was a new challenge and so fun.

    After some life challenges, I found myself exploding out of my clothes, and I joined Weight Watchers online. The magic of WW was there for me again.

    I then became ill will influenza, dropped weight, and was really freaked out about building up my immune system. My husband was freaked out too. We launched a “You Are What You Eat” program. It was so great – opened up a whole new world of food – it was also expensive and labor intensive (so much chopping). It did improve my health.

    Right now I’m doing IsaGenix. It has been such a great change!! I’ve been on it for about 4 months, and I’m getting a little sick of the shakes.

    I said all of that (sorry, not trying to high-jack your blog) to say that switching it all around keeps me distracted and having fun – and not so focused on maintaining.

    Keep the faith…

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