I was busy all day today, touring a contract manufacturing site (in high heels – WTF was I thinking?), taking in a lot of information and asking lots of questions, but somehow I still found time to feel anxious and a bit panicky about yesterday’s decision to renounce calorie counting. I feel like tracking my food (or worrying about not tracking it because I’m straying from my plan) has been at the center of my world for so long…what will happen if I just stop doing it? In theory, it sounds great to say I’m going to listen to my body and eat for nourishment instead of entertainment. In reality, it’s very scary indeed. I toyed with intuitive eating last October, and gained back 10 pounds…which led me directly to Weight Watchers and back to the obsessive counting. Forty pounds later I look and feel much better, but inside I’m still confused and struggling. Why can’t I look at a menu and not feel deprived just considering having a salad for dinner? I feel like every meal is a hurdle, an obstacle, a choice that I’m destined to make badly.
Obviously I’m not the only person who struggles with these issues – there are hundreds of thousands, probably millions, of women who have the same problem. Some of them are trying to lose the last 10 pounds, some of them have 200 pounds to lose. But for every one of them, there is another woman out there that doesn’t struggle to make good choices, who doesn’t look at a menu and think ‘my life will end right now if I don’t order the gnocchi in vodka sauce’. WHAT IS THEIR SECRET??????
I’m so sick and tired of thinking about my weight and hating how I look in the mirror. It’s exhausting and unproductive. And yet the voice keeps chattering in the back of my head…you eat too much, you’ll never get to your goal weight, you’re fat, you suck at your job…on and on and on.
Twenty-four hours after saying I’m done counting calories and I’m a quivering mess. It would seem that the food tracking was more of a security blanket than I thought?
Has anyone out there successfully transitioned from tracking food to eating completely according to what their body needs? Was it a difficult transition? I would love to hear your experiences!